Dear men who write relationship advice to women: Please. Stop. NOW.
It’s not that I mind reading what you have to say. In fact, many of your columns are quite entertaining; a few of them are even insightful. However, your writing raises a couple of major issues far more important than my amusement, and because of those issues, you should, well, quit.
Firstly, you are not now, nor will you ever be a woman. And I don’t care how close you are with your mother, how many sisters you have, how many girl cousins there are on your father’s side or how many chicks you grew up with. You have absolutely no idea what it means to be a woman; you can’t fathom what we go through.
You don’t know what it’s like to think that your value as a person depends on how desirable you are to men. Your critical feedback of how women behave, talk, dress and, of course, look reinforces the idea that we aren’t desirable and therefore, lack value.
And women that correlate how amazing they are to how many men want to be with them also have deep, long-term consequences. Did you know that according to the DOVE Real beauty project, 6 out of 10 girls will stop doing some activity they love because they’re afraid it makes them look unattractive? That’s right.
They will hear critiques of their appearance and disposition in the hallways and on the playgrounds and then come home and hear you direct those same sorts of remarks towards their mothers, aunts and older sisters and then will decide they must change who they are.
I work with ‘tween and teenage girls. It is paramount to me that they feel empowered and that their sense of self-worth comes from their character and abilities; not from how attractive boys perceive them to be. Unless and until you start to tell men to evaluate things like character when looking for a partner, you should really slow down with your critiques. And that leads me to my next point.
Instead of giving relationship advice to women, you need to be advising men.
I have never before seen grown men that don’t want to ask women out on dates, don’t open doors or pull out chairs while on dates and expect women to pick up the tab. Help them. These men need you; I mean, really need you, to show them the way.
Teach them the finesse and charm necessary to attract and keep an amazing woman because at this rate, we’ll all remain single! It won’t just be a win for them, it will be a come up for you, too. Think about it; pandering unproductive and unsolicited relationship advice to women may or may not get you a radio, TV spots and a book deal, but teaching the guy next door how to make a grade A, certified #baddie fall madly in love with him = $$$.
Thanks and please STOP.